You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
