haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
