I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
