My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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