I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
