i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
