carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
