i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
