Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
