just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
