if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
