Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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