My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
