where does the pee come out of this thing
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
