you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
