I wannas sexs uuuuu
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
