i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
