A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
