this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
