so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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