that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
