I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
