I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
