do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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