i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
me + whiskey = a bad person
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
