AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
