I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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