WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
