We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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