I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
