I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
