I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
