Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
