I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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