Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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