How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
