do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
