she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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