two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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