Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
