omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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