oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Operation Purity has been aborted
i think i scared a bird with my dick
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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