I should be sponsored by Trojan
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
