my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
