i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
