why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
