Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
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