R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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