tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I'm jealous of your bromance
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
