3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
We had to coat check the pizza.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
