Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
