i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
