as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
