I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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