69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
